Megladon Started It.


Every morning our farmhand, Bryce, wakes me up with the roosters by ringing my doorbell non-stop until I come down and let him in.   Once delivered from my nice, warm blankets, we sit down and set up a farming plan for the day based upon the wins and losses of the day before.  A win could be getting down to the grain elevator without being stopped by the weigh master.  A loss could be that one of the pups was ripped off the cultipacker because a live oak wouldn’t budge.  We figure all sorts of things out over his Mountain Dew and my bottled water.

This morning he came in all fired up about Megladon, the “up to 70 feet long” shark that no one has ever videotaped or seen.  Apparently, Megladon’s main food source is humpback whales.  He has been known to bite 50 foot ships in half, mistaking them for humpback whales.  His shadow has been caught on tape, but that’s it.   Megladon’s tooth is 17″ tall.   Every time I would call him out on his “facts” he would get more fired up, proving his point by saying that only 5% of the ocean has ever been explored and that means it could be 95% real.   It escalated.  I rolled my eyes.  He called for backup.

Adam hustled right over.  He was in it for a slab of bacon, fried eggs, and homemade toast –and seriously turned on Bryce, by drowning the existence of his Megladon, saying emphatically that at least DogMan is real. 

“It’s fully canine, walks on its hind legs, uses its arms to carry chunks of roadkill or deer carcasess. They have pointed ears on top of their heads. They have big fangs. They have bushy tails. They walk — most tellingly — digitgrade, or on their toe pads, as all canines do, and that’s something that a human in a fur suit really can’t duplicate.”

“There is even a song about The DogMan of Michigan.  What, no shark song…not even one?”

Adam’s parting shot was, “I bet you never even heard of the chalupa-cabra.”  Bryce just glared at him.   He continued,  “It’s this thing with fangs that is Spanish for goat-sucker and they are like werewolves that kill goats.”

These are two grown-ass men and it was then that I realized I was flipping eggs for two STEPBROTHERS.  All we were missing was the fancy sauce.


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