Man Down

Rip Torn but not funny


Last week, John and Bryce built a wooden tree stand with 2×6′s, a generous platform, with side rails.  These guys are professionals, making sure the monstrosity weighed in at 350 lbs. and installed it on a parcel of our farm John refers to as his “Legacy Land”.

Fast forward to high noon on Saturday, May 26, 2018:  The characters in this three ring circus were Uncle Bob and his son, Johnnie, who came up to work the land so when November rolls around, Johnnie can drop another 140 class buck or better. The ringleader was my husband John.   Despite the long walk through the vines and brush and all the bugs, they were getting a lot done.  John climbed up the newly built tree stand to tighten the turnbuckle.  I guess stands have to “settle” and then you tighten them.  Just as he reached the top, about 25′ up, and unbuckled the turnbuckle, the 3″ “guaranteed for life” peg he was standing on cracked in half.  No safety net.  The lions roared as Humpty Dumpty fell.

On the way down, John twisted to shove the ladder away from crashing on top of him.  When he did that, his body rotated and within milliseconds, he was flat on his back in 6″ of water.  A corner of the ladder stand ripped through his super thick Cabela’s jeans and he had his bell rung.  Send in the clown cars for distraction.  The two man crowd gasped at the horror.

He saw stars for a moment and Bob and Johnnie did a great job getting him out of the woods.  He was slow, but ambulatory.  So fortunate for the water to break his high fall, that he wasn’t impaled by a stump or stick, that he didn’t land on a log.  He just took a licking and kept on ticking.  The only message he left me on my phone was, “When are you going to be home, I might need some of your oils.”  So of course I took my sweet a**  time coming home, stopping for a Culver’s butter burger after boot camp yoga, completely unaware of his near death experience.

He looked okay, nothing tingled, no blood, no bruising so I couldn’t talk him into going to the hospital.  So I did the next best thing.  Applied ice packs and DoTERRA oils up and down his spine.  The next day he got up and went to work in Saginaw followed by attending a house warming party for another nephew and checking on some of his franchisees in the area.  Still, he refuses medical care.  Whatever.  You can’t fix the 150 percent Polish in him.

This morning, only two days since the fat lady sang, he was up at 3:30 a.m. to do a cooking segment on the morning news.  Ahhhh…now, finally, he admits, “I might have over done it.”

Note the picture on the wall: lots of his DNR Successful Deer Hunter Patches



The Pig Whisperer

A city child came running into the farm house.  “No wonder that momma pig is so big!  There’s a bunch of little pigs under her, blowing her up.”

Bacon calls to me.  It can wake me up from a sound sleep if I smell it.  Bacon goes on, with, or next to every edible thing on the planet and it should be classified as its own food group.  Cooking it was a challenge until I realized that frying it up in strips is so “Old School.”   Here’s my Pig Whispering Frying Method:
  • (1)  Use scissors to cut the slab into 1-1/2″ sections.
  • (2) Separate the sections in a frying pan, pop on a lid, and sizzle using medium heat.
  • (3) Stir every so often.
  • (4) Inhale deeply and let the aroma transport you to heaven and back.
  • (5) Do not drain.  Watch and let it spark and pop in its own juices until a rich, deep crispy color is achieved.
  • (6) Place finished pieces on a platter that is lined with a paper towel.  Enjoy!
I use the leftovers (yeah, right) in salads and on sandwiches the next day. 
Sometimes, I get smart and cook up two packages at a time
–just so I have leftovers for the week.
How does a pig write home?  With a pig pen.  Why did the pig go to the casino?  To play the slop machines.  What do you call a pig with three eyes?  A piiig.    Did you hear about the pig who starting hiding her food in November?  She wanted to do her Christmas slopping early.  How did the pig beat the cow at Monopoly?  He built hotels on Pork Place.  Is it true that a barrel of pigs went over Niagra Falls?  No, that’s just a bunch of hogwash!

Page 1 of 11
© Copyright The Painted Post - Suski Web Design LLC