Mayday! Mayday!!!!
Lou Ann with the first biggie of the day!
It was a bit nippy in late April, when Bill and Lou Ann McLaren teamed up with me in the Detroit River to fight some walleye during the spring spawning run, where fish from Lake Erie head into Lake St. Clair. Of Course we were with our trusty Captain, Ed –who operates Medicine Man Charters and he is quick to break out a joke if the fishing slows down. I couldn’t sleep the night before, dreaming about some of the monsters Captain Ed has netted in years past. There were times when we limited out within two hours, throwing 5 lb. walleye back because bigger ones were in the net. Mmm…2015 sure sizzled, coated in cracker crumbs and parmesan cheese, frying in a cast iron skillet.
Click on this beauty and see it full size!
Our hot spot took us past the Renaissance Center (which it will always be to me) and past some manufacturing sites, eerily belching out rolling, white steam. Lou Ann can sure take some pretty pictures and she captured the cityscape.
The whole point of the story is that me, the Great White Fish Kisser, did not land a single one. 
WTF stands for Where’s The Fish? EVERYONE ELSE caught walleye and smallmouth bass while I clenched my miserable pole with frozen fingers that began to curl and freeze on the reel. I jigged; I swear. 5,000 pulls earned me nothing but a “skunked” award. I can, however, tell a few new jokes.
Alysha had her game face on, all buttoned up in her woolies and North Face down. Real Girls Fish.
The following week, I went back out on the lake, with Captain Ed, and the day proved colder, iced with blowing winds. This time I brought a trump card, a real women’s pro with me…Alysha Doellner, my future daughter-in-law and reigning First Place Champion in the Women’s Salmon Fishing Tournament on Lake Michigan. Yeah, sh*t got real.
These Bald Eagles Act Like An Old Married Couple
The eagle on the left had a fish. The one on the right made a play for it. During their struggle, it fell to the ground.
After he dropped his fish, they both just sat there looking so upset! They kept looking down at the ground, the fish would do a little flopping, but no one picked it up. “It’s all your fault, no we’re are both screwed!” If they had fingers, they would be pointing. These eagles were so funny.
The woman behind the lens, capturing this squabble, is LouAnn Adair McLaren. She always seems to be in the right place at the right time, making it look easy. It’s not. For years I’ve enjoyed seeing her work on Facebook and thought to share her cute eagle FISH FAIL here, with her permission. She travels extensively and specializes in North American fish and wildlife.
Facts About Bald Eagles from the National Eagle Center:
In the wild, 70-80% of eagles die before they reach adulthood at five years of age. An eagle that makes it to adulthood might live 20-25 years. In captivity, eagles are known to live much longer, 40+ and up to 50 years, due to a controlled environment, nutrient rich diet and veterinary care.
Bald eagles are found across North America and typically near lakes and rivers.
Eagles use both monocular and binocular vision, meaning they can use they eyes independently or together depending on what they are looking at. An eagle eye has two focal points (called “fovea” [singular] or “foveae” [plural]) one of which looks forward and the other to the side at about a 45 degree angle. These two foveae allow eagles to see straight ahead and to the side simultaneously. The fovea at 45 degrees is used to view things at long distances. An eagle can see something the size of a rabbit running at three miles away.
Eagles can achieve 30 mph using powerful wing-beats and even faster when diving after prey (stoop). Bald eagles can dive at up to 100 mph; golden eagles at up to 150 mph.
The average wingspan ranges from 6 to 7.5 feet (182cm-229cm). Wingspan of an eagle depends on overall size. Eagles in northern parts of their range tend to be larger overall, including a larger wingspan.
How much does a bald eagle weigh? Weight varies depending on latitude and gender. Generally, males weigh approximately 25% less than females from the same area. The average weight of a female bald eagle is 10-14 pounds, however there exists great variation depending on where an eagle is from. Southern bald eagles tend to be smaller than those in northern parts of their range. For example in Alaska, females might weigh up to 18 pounds, whereas eagles in Florida can weigh as little as 6-8 pounds.
Bald eagles and other cold weather birds have special circulation in their feet and legs that allow them to withstand very cold temperatures. A complex set of arteries and veins in the leg ensure that most of the heat is ‘exchanged’, before it reaches the exposed legs and feet. This counter-current heat exchange helps to ensure that a minimal amount of heat is lost through blood flowing to the legs and feet. Bird legs and feet also have little soft tissue, so they don’t require as much warm blood flow. When they need a quick warm up, they can tuck one foot up against their body, underneath all those warm down feathers – a great way to warm up the toes!
Bear Makes Great Catch – Should Play for the Tigers!
During a recent trip to a park in Seattle known for its “waving bears,” these motorists had an awesome encounter. A giant grizzly, who had perfected his begging, was sitting up on his haunches, looking for an easy mark. He was very close to the road and only a few strands of electric fencing kept him in check.
It wasn’t long before the couple in this 24 second video fell prey to his shenanigans.
They stopped the car and waved. Sure enough, Yogi waves back. He even flashed them a teddy bear smile. This guy knew how to work it and before long, the passenger was putty in his hands. She disobeyed every “Don’t Feed The Bears” sign and flipped him a hunk of bread. Incredibly, the bear reached out with his catcher’s mitt, like a pro, and snagged it. CUTENESS OVERLOAD as they all share a special moment. Click on the orange type below – to see it all go down.
Spirt Airlines Has No Soul
Knowing that Spirit Airlines is a discount adventure disguised as a “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” experience, I thought, “Why not?” and booked my first ticket with them to New Orleans. The online booking was an adventure all by itself. The fare was $2.00 but by the time you paid for a seat, a bag of peanuts, and toilet paper for every flush, it came up to $196, round trip.
It was all fun and games until the return flight home. Somehow, within the booking process, I only paid to check my bag to NOLA and forgot to pay the additional $24 for its ride home. Of course, being me, I didn’t realize it until the ticket agent said, “Oh, so you have a bag to check?
The ticket agent informed me with a southern sweet tea voice which I ended up wanting her to choke on, “If you had booked the bag 24 hours in advance it would have only been $24.” My ankles were sore and swollen from all the graveyard tours and that’s when my head spun around like Linda Blair’s as I screamed, “W H A T !” (and it wasn’t a question) You are kidding me!”
That’s right, witch, rub some salt in it.
I could feel the heat in my body rise up from the Gates of Hell so I said again, just to be sure, “You mean it is $50 one way for one bag right now?” Yep. I just glared at her, dumbfounded. I felt naked, alone, ravaged and ripped off.
There are times in life when one loses control and makes a complete jackass of themselves and lives to regret it. This wasn’t one of them.
I said it loud and proud, “This is EXTORTION–Can’t you see THAT THIS IS EXTORTION…it’s not American. I’m a first time customer and I’m willing to pay the $24, but asking $50 now is EXTORTION” Then I turned around and told everyone within 50 feet of the counter that this airline was a joke. This airline sucks. This airline can suck my lady balls.
Eventually, my husband showed up with the bail money.
Old Man Winter Needs to DIE
When that cold-hot-cold-snow-melt-ice-hot-cold-windy-slushy in between season called March in Michigan gives me a headache, I chug a cup of hot cocoa with marshmallows to quiet the fever. With a blankie wrapped tightly, I keep warm, waiting for camping season. Last year the fever hit when the sun came out and melted all the snow, exposing some green for the first time in forever. To top that off, I saw a skunk in the road and had to wonder if it meant six more weeks of anything?
Then I spied my first robin bursting with blue eggs, as she collected sticks and little pieces of this and that to pad her nest. I’m deliriously dreaming about roasting hot dogs over a snapping flame –with a stick customized by my trusty “Swiss”. My hibernating mind is starting to wake up with the crocuses and it drifts above my consciousness, letting in the smell of cowboy coffee percolating in my Grandpa’s dented pot as I listen to bacon sizzling in a heavy cast iron skillet.
There is nothing like the sound of kerosene gas flowing up into a Coleman lantern at night which, upon ignition, takes on a life light of its own–bathing us in soft yellow hues. Every kind of insect is attracted to it’s nectar core. I can see my Dad striking the match and posting it on a nail, way up and off to the side.
Soon it will be time to go mushroom hunting and time to put all the lawn chairs in a circle around the fire and time to sing Three Dog Night’s Joy to the World and time to collect mint leaves to brew Grandma’s mint tea and time to gather drift wood in the bow of a row boat and and time to pick daisies and black-eyed susans and time to wear flip-flops and time to chop wood and time to catch a fish and time to discover new trails on hikes and time to see eagles soar and time to see deer in the woods and time to catch a lightning bug and time to skinny dip and time to tell ghost stories and time to drop blueberries into a tin cup and time to appreciate a full moon and time to dig up a can of worms and time to take a picture of a sunrise and time to grill and time to just be happy and time to open the graham crackers and time to fire up the ‘ol 1964 Johnson 20 and time to strip down into your skivvies and crawl into the sack….exhausted from not having enough time when it comes to camping!
Dairy Air